Dog jokes are a great way to lighten the mood and bring a smile to anyone’s face. Whether you’re a dog lover or simply enjoy a good pun, these jokes are sure to make you chuckle. If you’re looking for a quick laugh or a way to break the ice with a new friend, a dog joke is a perfect choice. So, sit, stay and enjoy the funniest dog jokes around!
Best Dog Jokes For Kids
1. Did you hear about the dog who ate nothing but garlic? His bark was worse than his bite!
2. Did you hear about the vampire who got a pet dog? He’d always wanted a bloodhound!
3. Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a dog! Do take a seat. I can’t – Mum says I’m not allowed on the furniture!
4. How can you tell if you have a lazy dog? He only chases parked cars.
5. How did the little Scottie dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster? He was Terrier-fied!
6. How do dogs train their fleas? From scratch!
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7. How do you spell “dog” backward? D-O-G-B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S.
8. How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? None! The hair grows on the outside.
9. My dog Minton ate two shuttle cocks… Bad Minton!
10. Name the dog that is afraid of ghosts. Courage the Cowardly Dog
11. Person 1: My dog has no nose! Person 2: But how does he smell? Terrible!
12. What did one flea say to the other? “Should we walk or take a dog?”
13. What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away? “Well, doggone!”
14. What did the Dalmatian say after his meal? That hit the spot!
15. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Rough! Rough!
16. What did the dog say when it saw the firework go off? Nothing, dogs can’t talk!
17. What did the hungry dalmatian say after his meal? “That hit the spots!”
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18. What did the waiter tell the dog at the restaurant? “Bone-appetite!”
19. What do dogs and phones have in common? They both have collar ID.
20. What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.
21. What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie? They press the paws button.
22. What do dogs have that no other animals have? Puppies!
23. What do dogs like to eat at the movie theaters? Pupcorn.
24. What do you call a dog falling from a great height? A chihuahu–aaaargh!
25. What do you call a dog in the winter? A chili dog!
26. What do you call a dog magician? A Labra-cadabra-dor.
27. What do you call a dog that swallows a ball? Ballshit
28. What do you call a dog who is getting old? GrandPAW.
29. What do you call a dog with a surround system? A sub-woofer.
30. What do you call a great dog detective? Sherlock Bones!
31. What do you call a snowman’s dog? A slush puppy!
32. What do you call dogs who did up ancient artefacts? Barkaeologists!
33. What do you call it when a cat wins first place at a dog show? A CAT-tastrophy.
34. What do you call young dogs who play in the snow? Slush puppies.
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35. What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? Take the words out of his mouth.
36. What do you get if you cross a dog with a calculator? A best friend you can really count on!
37. What do you get if you cross a dog with a film studio? Collie-wood!
38. What do you give a sausage dog with a fever? Mustard – it’s the best thing for a hot dog!
39. What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school? Her pet-degree!
40. What do my dog and my phone have in common? They both have collar I.D.
41. What goes tick-tock woof-woof? A watchdog!
42. What happened when the dog swallowed a firefly? He smiled with de-light!
43. What happened when the dog went to the flea market? He stole the show.
44. What happens when it rains on cats and dogs? You can step in a poodle.
45. What is called when a cat wins a dog show? A cat-has-trophy.
46. What is Dracula’s favourite dog? A bloodhound!
47. What kind of dog can jump higher than a building? All kinds — buildings can’t jump!
48. What kind of dog chases anything red? A bulldog.
49. What kind of dog comes from Asgard and wields a mighty hammer? A labrathor!
50. What kind of dog do you look for to ask the time? A watchdog.
51. What kind of dog does magic tricks? A Labracadabrador!
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52. What kind of dog is always up for taking a bath? A shampoo-dle.
53. What kind of dress shoe does Michael Vick wear? Hush Puppies!
54. What kinds of stores do dogs love? Re-tail stores!
55. What should I call my new robot puppy? Dogmatic!
56. What sort of dog does a vegetarian have? A collie-flower!
57. What type of markets do dogs avoid? Flea markets!
58. What type of zoo has only one dog? A Shih Tzu.
59. What would you get if you crossed a cocker spaniel with a poodle and a rooster? Cocker-poodle-doo.
60. What’s a dog’s favourite kind of pizza? Pup-eroni!
61. What’s it called when a cat wins a dog show? A cat-has-trophy!
62. What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast food? Pooched eggs!
63. What’s a dog’s favourite pizza topping? Pup-eroni!
64. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!
65. What’s round and green and chases sheep? A melon-collie!
66. When a dog sits on sandpaper, what does he say? Ooh, that’s ruff!
67. When is a black dog not a black dog? When he’s a greyhound!
68. Where do dogs park their cars? In the barking lot.
Jokes For Kids For Fun
69. Where does a dog go to get another tail? The re-tail shop!
70. Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes? A Chi-ha-ha!
71. Which kind of dog lives in Dracula’s castle? A bloodhound.
72. Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents? Santa Paws!
73. Who is the favorite rapper of every dog? Snoop Dogg!
74. Why are dogs, such bad dancers? They have two left feet.
75. Why can’t dogs work the TV remote? Because they always hit the paws button.
76. Why did Scooby Doo leave Mystery Incorporated? The work was too ruff!
77. Why did the boy take his dog to a watchmaker? It had ticks!
78. Why did the Dalmatians go to the eye doctor? He kept seeing spots!
79. Why did the dog sit next to the fire? He wanted to be a hot dog!
80. Why did the dog wear a sweater? Because he was a chili dog.
81. Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make both ends meet.
82. Why do dogs run in circles? It’s too hard to run in squares!
83. Why is a tree like a big dog? They both have a lot of bark!
84. Why should you be careful when it rains on cats and dogs? Because you might step in a poodle.
85. Why will a dog never win Strictly? They have two left feet!
